Then My Pride, Now My Wastefulness

I laugh unexpectedly
leaving nothing that i was for granted
talking without taking
asking without wanting
i clamber to the way I was before
changing myself again
to the way that i will be
your eyes, like fire
torture me
call me back to you
and cull me from the crowd of who i am
i stagger now omnipotent
into a bumbled world of whole misfortunes
and a shameful life of greed
and solitude
I shelter what was then my pride
and now my wastefulness
and give up on it all again

29 Dec 2006
10pm

Shotput

My mind is a melting old shoe
With a glass, no a bottle of booze
I could cut out the pain
And abolish the shame
Of the feeling I've nothing to lose.

But I'd wake the next day with it all
In my head, rolling round like a ball
And I'd have to then choose
The new day or the booze
To stand or to just take the fall.

So I put down my bottle of drink
And I scratch at my chin and I think
If I took the first shot
Would I lose what I've got
Or would it be more like a blink?

So I play with the ring on my hand
And I pick up the bottle and stand
To the sink I then go
And watch the cool liquor flow
Taking down the escape I had planned

Now I smile and I turn to my past
And I say to myself with a laugh
"Man, it just ain't that way
"'Cause the past ain't today
"And the future is coming up fast."

So I take a new step on my own
Without liquor or smoke or a bone
And I'm cutting away
And facing the day
That to me once was lost and alone.

9 January 2006
11:31am

I created and wrote this poem directly in a blog on MySpace, it was the first blog entry I've ever made.