I, Before the Stars

I look about me to the stars I rest upon
I notice millions more beyond
I watch them as they drift toward me
I wonder at their brilliance
I wonder...
Was I placed before them?
Or they before me?

Loneliness Part Two

So I wander my eyes as well
across the backs and the faces
of those who pass us by
wondering from where they each have come
hoping for the next to be my love
but finding none as yet in the faces
I turn them into backs
and wonder how long it will take
for the loneliness to draw me in so deeply
that all I will ever see are backs
and the smiles that turn my way
will be for my painful heart to see
that they are not meant for me then
but for me when I knew them
when I saw them
But as for now
I do see them
I do know them
and I welcome their loneliness
no matter how drawing
for it is their loneliness
when they share it with me
that makes me feel I'm not alone

Loneliness Part One

as the loneliness trickles it's weary way
down the lengths of my back and my soul
I see so plainly
how I am not alone in my solitude
I am merely secluded by it
partitioned from a world
where loneliness travels in crowds
and smiles merely mask it's face
but cannot hide it's presence
I see so sadly in this grayish world
a tortured gaze most common
that seems to enwrap itself
within itself
I so often see this in my friends
and those passersby
who wish not to reveal to me their thoughts
but in the simple attitude of their eyes
they reveal to me their souls
I listen to a woman speak
and notice
between the pauses
a fathomed depth indelible
measured by the words she says
made permanent in her eyes
I can tell she wishes to be seen
as independent
and free
but she has chained herself
by disregarding who she is
and what she feels
thinking she tell her heart what to know
and train her soul
as though it were hers by device
I can see in her the doubt she feels
thinking through it all
planning each step like a daydream
but never truly happy with her results
she checks again her faltered plan
to determine her reason for dissatisfaction
but finds she cannot seem to fix her heart
she wonders how it had become broken in the first place
and wanders the room with her eyes
a silently audible sigh
runs past her lips into the air
she seems
for a moment
like she wants to be kissed
but I watch her
unmoving
knowing that she does not dream of me
to kiss
she merely dreams
and had I been a face within her thoughts
then that would be all I was
to her: a face
and nothing more
so I watch her for her newest thought
as the loneliness rests deeper still within
as the dreams that I play out alone
are with her
but are not of her
for I sadly know as well
that she is not the one forever
but she will do for now

-Joshua McLerran

Quitting Warily and Waned

I laugh unexpectedly
leaving nothing that i was for granted
talking without taking
asking without wanting
i clamber to the way I was before
changing myself again
to the way that i will be
your eyes, like fire
torture me
call me back to you
and cull me from the crowd of who i am
i stagger now omnipotent
into a bumbled world of whole misfortunes
and a shameful life of greed
and solitude
I shelter what was then my pride
and now my wastefulness
and give up on it all again

See-Ville

There's a strangeness in the air
When we all are caught wearing the same cologne
When the wind blows down the avenues
And you can't stand the sunlight
Reflecting off the windows of passing cars
Everything fits into perspectives
That make you think that life is changing
But all that you're getting for Christmas
Is a fixed-up holiday and a reason to be home
But there isn't a chase scene to cut to here
And there's no room on your hand left for words
So you try to remember the smell in the air
And the taint of its worn out perfume
As you smile the day into the past
And hope that it makes it to your memory

-Joshua McLerran

The Yellow Matching Man

There was a man in yellow pants
With yellow shoes to match
Who could not tear his precious heart
Because it was attached.
He laughed about the way of things
And always loved to cry,
But never did he tear his heart,
And I never knew new just why.
He called them his "Unbreakables"
When speaking of his guts.
He said that this referred to
All his innards left uncut.
And true, it was the same
For all his insides, just as well:
His stomach could take anything,
As far as I could tell.
His lungs were stronger than the wind;
His kidneys, made of stone;
And his brain would keep on working
Even when he was alone.
But none of his internal things
Interested me
The way his heart within, untorn,
Evaded all disease.
No fit of sadness, none of woe
Could ever touch this man.
It made one think perhaps that his
Uninjured heart was sand.
"But what of this? How could this be?"
I once asked him to admit.
But all he did was laugh aloud
And change the subject quick.
He said, "So how are things upon the rocks
"Of distant moons and stars?"
I said, "I'm afraid that I don't know
"Man hasn't got to Mars."
He said, "Well that's a shame,
"A real shame, you see:
"For every time I ask of that
"No one ever thinks of dreams!
"Have you been out beyond the stars?
"I say, my friend, you have!
"You've wandered through the milky way
"The future, and the past!
"You've kissed the running fountains
"Of a distant, spinning moon;
"And woke up in the raindrops
"Of an alien monsoon.
"You say you've never seen the skies
"Of planets far away,
"And this is why I laugh aloud
"At all the things you say:
"Your dreams are not a farce, my friend,
"But reality unveiled!
"And when in sleep you dance in them,
"You find your feet no longer nailed.
"Now had you sought to hold the things
"That made your dreams alive,
"And fought to make them part of you
"Within your waking life,
"Then would you find a lie, my friend?
"Or joy within a smile
"That mends the will of broken hearts
"And cleans a brain defiled?
"I say to you, this truth is truth,
"Of no other do I know!
"And that, my friend, is why my heart
"Is free of misery and woe.
"So hold your head within your dreams;
"Your heart, within your hands.
"Be ready to embark upon
"Your future where it stands.
"Be wary not to let the false
"Realities of life
"Cloud your thoughts, encage your soul,
"Or rob you of your sight.
"Now go, my friend, your dreams are real!
"Your life is not a waste!
"So go to, and partake of what
"Your soul has yet to taste!
"Be mindful of my words, my friend,
"And soon you, too shall know
"The reason why my heart is free
"Of misery and woe."
So I, prepared and changed went forth
To try what he had said,
And though I had to change a lot,
I changed myself instead.
Now when I find I'm looking out
Upon my future's past,
I think upon the words he'd said
And questions that he'd asked.
He said that I soon, too would know
Why his heart could not been torn;
And by the sound of what he'd said,
I'd feel as though reborn.
So when I think of how I see
The world from where I am,
I realize how much I've improved
Because of the Yellow Matching Man.

(Mom,) I've Gone to Follow the New Star

While walking in a summer's dream

Mid woods of old bamboo

The heat mixed with the melting steam

And sunlight shining through

Remind me of my home back west

In such a nation far

Before I flew from that old nest

To follow the new star

A Christ-child born and lived and died

For sins I've yet to do

With nail prints and a spear in side

Says, "I'll deliver you."

From meekness' newly straitened path

The signs of suff'ring borne

Give hope to those who do not have

The faith to see the morn

"I'll bear you up," His word declares

By sound of burning heart

To lift us from a world of cares

And give us a new start

New heart, new mind, new soul, more time

All given us of Him

While we are merely asked to find

His path away from sin

There in the melting steam He's found

There in the sunlight's rays

He's in the faces all around

He's in the pain of days

He comforts the now comfortless

Gives hope to those without

Reminds us of the home we miss

And gives us our way out

He shines from heaven's greatest height

Our star to guide us through

Giving us all peace and light

Mid woods of old bamboo

So we must walk this summer's dream

His path before us lies

And there above the melting steam

His star will always shine