Loneliness Part One

as the loneliness trickles it's weary way
down the lengths of my back and my soul
I see so plainly
how I am not alone in my solitude
I am merely secluded by it
partitioned from a world
where loneliness travels in crowds
and smiles merely mask it's face
but cannot hide it's presence
I see so sadly in this grayish world
a tortured gaze most common
that seems to enwrap itself
within itself
I so often see this in my friends
and those passersby
who wish not to reveal to me their thoughts
but in the simple attitude of their eyes
they reveal to me their souls
I listen to a woman speak
and notice
between the pauses
a fathomed depth indelible
measured by the words she says
made permanent in her eyes
I can tell she wishes to be seen
as independent
and free
but she has chained herself
by disregarding who she is
and what she feels
thinking she tell her heart what to know
and train her soul
as though it were hers by device
I can see in her the doubt she feels
thinking through it all
planning each step like a daydream
but never truly happy with her results
she checks again her faltered plan
to determine her reason for dissatisfaction
but finds she cannot seem to fix her heart
she wonders how it had become broken in the first place
and wanders the room with her eyes
a silently audible sigh
runs past her lips into the air
she seems
for a moment
like she wants to be kissed
but I watch her
unmoving
knowing that she does not dream of me
to kiss
she merely dreams
and had I been a face within her thoughts
then that would be all I was
to her: a face
and nothing more
so I watch her for her newest thought
as the loneliness rests deeper still within
as the dreams that I play out alone
are with her
but are not of her
for I sadly know as well
that she is not the one forever
but she will do for now

-Joshua McLerran