And Then Becoming Qualified

beneath my clothes of skin
I wear a tattered smile
of life
of afterthought
of religion
self-doubt
and denial
I wander
through my skin alone
and find slightly changing
differences
between myself
and the wall before me
slightly, how they are
oh, how slightly they are
but I am not afraid of them
I am not shaken
by their fearsome words
and their sentences
turned inside, from out
to my eyes
I clamber through my thoughts
like jaded windscreens to the sun
and wish for talismans
good luck charms
or just the wisdom of another
to make up for my lack of faith
so I shyly take my hand away
from where?
I do not know
but the shade
that has drawn past my eyes
seems to let go
waiver
and stop
just beyond my stretching gaze
I watch myself grow stronger
reflected
in the thoughts the shadows bore
I sentence who I was to death
and step above my newfound past
shadowed no more by my doubts
I clamber again through my thoughts
to find it was my words
that held me down before
though nothing new had changed
my soul remained the same
and I
unequaled in my pride of this
undoubting to the best defense
and lingering to believe
in what I knew before as truth
what I once had said was not
and who it all made me into now
so now I am the qualified
with bones to match my soul
and though I wander
still alone
at least alone
I'm whole